i close my eyes in an effort to go back to sleep
i toss and i turn
i look at the clock again, it can't still say 2:22 AM
i toss
i turn
i begin to think about life, i don't dare question it
but i wonder because that's what i do
and then i thought about pat
pat's my cousin
she passed away on tuesday morning
i got the news about 3:30 in the afternoon
i was shocked
but i wasn't shocked
i actually thought about pat earlier that morning during my daily walk
pat had cancer
last sunday we were told the doctors were giving her 5 months to live
[i wondered if we were getting the real story- pat was always a smart cookie]
two weeks ago the family went to bermuda at the request of pat and her husband
[ i didn't go]
three weeks prior pat was doing wonderfully
a month before that pat stop taking one of her medicines
she said it was making her fat
[the result - her conditioned worsened]
a year before that pat was diagnosed with cancer
[she would be going through treatment and would have a few years]
as i layed there trying to again sleep
tossing and turning
i could only think about [pat] her path and how things seemed to take or come into place
pat was a lady with a lot of pride
a great person
i loved here
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i didn't cry when i found out about her passing
i dunno
i figured i needed to be strong for my mom
they were like sisters
during my restlessness - i cried
i said another prayer
i then thought about the time i woke up 2:22
i read Psalms 22:2
it reads: O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest
i eventually fell asleep
unfortunately, i still have no rest
